Baby needs a Car seat? Say what? (Review)

       As a city mom without a car, I’ve never really cared about a car seat. It’s one of those things that for someone without a car just doesn’t seem necessary. I travel by bus and train with Calvin, it’s our main line of transportation. However, the downside to that sometimes we take an Uber to get somewhere faster. I’ll admit, a car seat isn’t present most of the times and I’m always playing the worst scenarios in my head. What if a car hits this Uber? Or maybe another car cuts him off and he brakes really hard? Will I be fast enough to protect Calvin? The reality is, I won’t be. That’s the problem with not having a car seat. I always ask other moms how they travel with their baby if they don’t own a car or need to take a cab somewhere, they all said the same thing ” sometimes we have a car seat and other times we don’t”. So what car seat do you know is fit for you and which one does your toddler use? What about the safety laws in place for car seats in the city? Well, I did a little research with the help of Chicco and they sent us over one of their best car seats NextFit Zip Max Convertible Car Seat.

      My first thought about the Nextfit Zip Max Convertible car seat was, ” wow, it’s super padded and comfy looking”. That’s the first thing I loved about it. I also loved that it’s a convertible car seat, which means you can use it from birth all the way until your toddler is 65 pounds. How amazing is that? Way to save yourself the trouble of buying multiple car seats. The NextFit Zip Max is designed for children between 4-50 pounds in rear-facing mode, 22-65 pounds in forward-facing mode, and up to 49 inches tall. Here are a few other things you should know about it:

  1. 25% more legroom* in rear-facing mode and extended calf support in forward-facing mode
  2. 9-position ReclineSure leveling system ( IT RECLINES! Which means babies head can always lay flat during sleep) 
  3. SuperCinch LATCH tightener
  4. LockSure seat belt locking system
  5. DuoGuard side-impact protection
  6. Dual-density foam padding
  7. Steel-reinforced frame
  8. Removable, full-body newborn positioner
  9. Zip-and-wash seat pad and breathable 3D AirMesh backrest
  10. 9-position easy-adjust headrest
  11. 2 dishwasher-safe CupFolders
  12. No-rethread harness w/ one-pull tightener
  13. ComfortFlex waist belt

     The car seat was so easy to install during some trips we’ve taken with friends and it was very comfortable for Calvin. As a toddler, he hates sitting down for a long period of time but with the car seat is managed to stay put with the help of some entertainment and sleep. I love how you can position the headrest to fit perfectly between babies head and keep him or her safe in case of a car accident. The features of this car seat allow you to safely place baby in a car and also have some peace of mind. You’ll notice in one of the pictures that the seat has a scale which lets you know whether the seat is properly in place, how cool is that? This is a car seat you definitely want to invest in if you have a car. It’s perfect for any growing baby.

So now to my research on car safety in New York City, “The Empire State, under its NYS Vehicle & Traffic Law, requires children to be in an applicable child restraint system until age 8, specifically:”

  • Rear-facing car seat – required for children under age 2, unless child reaches the maximum height and weight requirements of the seat;
  • Forward-facing car seat – required for children under age 4 and under 40 pounds;
  • Booster seat – required for children ages 4 to 8 or children under 4 and over 40 pounds;
  • Vehicle’s seat belt system – for children ages 8 through 16.

Starting in November 2019,  the law states that all children under the age of 2 must use a rear-facing car seat. There are 2 types of rear-facing car seats: Infant Seats and Convertible/All-in-One Seats.

 According to “Child Passenger Safety for Parents” It is recommended that infants and toddlers ride in a rear-facing seat until they reach the weight or height limit of the seat. Most children will outgrow a rear-facing infant seat before reaching their 2nd birthday. If the child has outgrown an infant seat, it is recommended that a larger, rear-facing Convertible or All-in-One car seat with higher rear-facing height and weight limits be used. These seats should be installed in the rear-facing position until the child reaches the rear-facing weight or height limit set by the car seat manufacturer.

I gained much-needed information on safely transporting Calvin thanks to Chicco, I’m so glad they gave me the opportunity to review their NextFit Zip Max Convertible Car Seat.   

Below I’ve shared some safety tips for you to keep in mind and here is a glimpse of Calvin in his new car seat!

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Here are some tips I learned:

  • Tips for Parents/Caregivers:
    • Be sure your children are properly and safely restrained for every car ride, every time.
    • Get your car seat(s) inspected at a local fitting station or check event. Bring your child with you so that a certified technician can ensure that the car seat is appropriate and fitted correctly for your child.
    • Avoid buying used child safety seats. There is no guarantee for safety when purchasing a used car seat at a garage sale, flea market or thrift store. These seats may be expired, have missing parts, be damaged or may have been recalled. There is no way of knowing if these seats have been in a crash and if they had received damage that can’t be seen with the naked eye.
    • Stay focused on the road and your surroundings. Never drive distracted and never use your cell phone or any electronic device while driving. If there is an emergency, safely pull off the road or into a “Texting Zone” before using your device(s).
    • Drive sober. Never drive impaired by alcohol or drugs and discourage others from doing so.

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Fun Fact: Did you know that car seats actually expire!

So make sure to check the expiration date on your car seat.

 

 

Love,

 Transparent City Mama

 

 


Summer Fun: Ten Must-See​ Places in the City for Kids

Hey mamas! As promised, I wanted to give you guys a list of things to do in the city this summer with your kiddos. I’ve found so many cool places you can attend whether through apps or simply attending for a reasonable price. 

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  1. Children Museum of Manhattan & Brooklyn Children’s Museums 

Both of these museums are amazing for kids. They have a water area where kids can play and splash. These museums are great for walking toddlers. They will have a lot of fun touching and running around.

Price: Manhattan – $15 per child and adult ( children under 1 free ) 

Brooklyn – $11 per child and adult.

Thursday’s and Sunday’s are donation base from 2-6 pm Thur & Sunday’s 4-7pm  

  1. Domino Park – Brooklyn NYC 

This place is one of the best city parks. The park area is terrific for kids and they even have a water area where the kiddos can splash through. It’s the perfect place for a family outing. 

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  1. City Tree House – Upper East Side (Use with Kidpass) 

I love this place. So many different activities for kids to do and crawlers. Here a few things they have, water sections, treehouse, playroom, Art room, and soft playroom. 

The original price for the open play is $30 ( 3 hours ), however, using the @kidpass you get a discount. I’ve shared my link below for you to get $20. 

  1. The Art Farm in the City – Upper East Side ( Use with Kidpass)

I discovered this place through the app @kidpass And surprise!!, it was one of the funniest and cutest places. The location is for open place and they have small sections for crafts and puzzles. But the best part is their section to pet animals! Yes, animals! Calvin had so much fun petting the rabbits, turtles and all the other creatures there. 

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  1. Mini-Land Play – Queens, NYC 

Price weekdays unlimited play $15

Weekends 2 hours limited $20 ( One Adult + Child)  

It’s an indoor playground for babies and toddlers between the ages of  0 -5 years old. The whole place is covered with foam and mats to protect the kids from getting hurt. That’s a plus for me! They have slides, sensory areas, dolphin rides, and a ball pit play area. This place does an amazing job of serving parents. They’re clean and even provide a changing area for parents to change their babies. 

  1. Bronx Zoo – Bronx NY

Price: Adults: $39.95

Child 3-12: $29.95

Children 2 & Under: Free

Wednesdays: Free for everyone – Donation base

Growing up in the Bronx and living near the Bronx Zoo was one of my highlights of living in the boogie down Bronx. The Bronx Zoo is the biggest zoo in the city and they always have different exhibits for you to enjoy. I’ve been waiting to take Calvin and for this place… I may have to pay. As much as I would do Wednesdays for FREE, it’s summer and every summer program goes on a Wednesday! I’m not sure what it looks like going there in the summer with a toddler.

The petting zoo area allows children to pet and feed the animals. I’m pretty excited to take him and watch his reaction when he sees the animals. You definitely need a day just for this zoo, you want to take your time and wear comfy shoes and bring a lot of snacks.

( The food can be a little expensive) 

  1. Governors Island 

This place is just one ferry away.  This is my favorite place to go to during the summer. So much history and activities for families to enjoy together. Once you get to the island you can rent a bike and ride around. Around the island, you’ll find a lot of art and projects created by talented artist. You can even have lunch at the vendors located on the island! How great is that!  The view is also just amazing, such a great place to watch the sunset and enjoy the summer breeze. 

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  1. Coney Island – Brooklyn, NY 

This spring we took Calvin to Coney Island for the first time. He had a ball sitting on daddy’s shoulders and watching the rides. They have a small section for kid rides. It’s definitely worth taking a trip to the beach and hitting the fair. 

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  1. Central Park – Manhattan, NY

I love Central Park! There are so many things you can do. Hit the kids playground on W 59 street or the great lawn for a picnic. Central Park always has events going on, either movie nights, festivals or activities. 

  1. Seaglass Carousel –  Manhattan, NY

Who doesn’t love carousels? I’ve been obsessed with visiting this carousel since last year. It’s just too cool! I’ve been told that it’s even more beautiful during later hours. If you enjoy carousel’s and you’re hanging manhattan pass by.

Price: $5

I hope you get to enjoy these places in the city and if you pay them a visit, tag me on instagram @transparentcitymama. Also, to get discounts on activities to do with your kids in the city use this link https://kidpass.com/join/rramirez1 to download the Kidpass app. You won’t regret.


Feeling Unpretty

 Feeling Unpretty?

During Mother’s Day weekend I wrestled with getting ready to go to my mother’s day brunch that my husband had planned for me. I spent two hours going back and forth between my room and closet, and two additional hours trying on clothes in front of the mirror and taking them right off. I could feel my mood beginning to change.

What about my body was affecting the way I was feeling? Why was I letting some baby weight get in the way of a day meant to celebrate me? I was becoming easily irritated, emotionally overwhelmed and the more I changed the more sensitive I became. My husband kept coming into the room wondering what was taking me so long. I don’t remember if he said anything but every time he made a remark about my outfit I felt as though it was negative- and that was enough to set me off and cause me to change.

On top of feeling insecure with my own thoughts, my mother came to visit and I nervously anticipated an insensitive remark from her about my body. She’d probably wonder if I’ve been wearing the underwear she gave me after I gave birth to keep my stomach from bloating or maybe I’ve lost myself in the transition to being a mother.

What I was staring at in the mirror were the extra layers around my body that didn’t disappear after giving birth. My face looked more tired than ever, and my breasts are not what they used to be. For some reason, I felt more comfortable in my pregnancy body because I could hide behind the baby belly.

Like who would dare shame a pregnant woman? I could wear whatever I wanted and still feel beautiful. I could walk with confidence because life was growing in me and that ” glow ” that I had because “ I was having a boy” (according to “baby experts”) brought me more attention and compliments then the natural face I tend to wear. Of course I would feel more beautiful in that skin then the one I’m in now!

The skin I’m in today is unfamiliar, unwanted and unpretty. The clothes that once fit me feel strange to my body,- did they ever really fit? I can’t remember, I have forgotten what it feels like to wear anything that is fit for me.

As I wrestled with these thoughts, I was reminded of a few words I shared before about my postpartum body. “Nothing about my body is the same and it’s even more beautiful,” these are the words I’ve been lacking in speaking over my thoughts and heart every time I lose it in front of a mirror. Those are my words, the ones that remind me of the changes my life has experienced and the beauty I hold before me, not only in my son but in the new me. The mother in me.

Has someone told you that you look beautiful lately? If they haven’t, I want to remind you that yes, nothing about your Postpartum body is familiar to you- and it’s even more beautiful now than ever before. Whether you’ve gained weight or lost weight, we’re so inclined to pay attention to the parts of us that we long to have again that we lose sight of the beauty before us. God says you are beautiful before his sight, no matter what sight you see before you. I hope that on days that we feel like crap; when our pants can’t seem to fit, and we feel unattractive that we would remember that we have not lost ourselves by being mothers. We’ve gained so much more than just weight, we’ve gained LIFE.

Thanks, @true&co for reminding me of my own words and building a community for women to embrace their bodies. This company has wonderful undergarments that I own like three of their bras. 


Is He Breathing ? (Omie View Mirror Review)

I think one of the scariest things about bringing a baby home especially if you were in the NICU is putting baby to sleep, at least for me it was. The reality is that not a lot of people talk about Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) but it’s real and it happens.

So what is SIDS? It’s explained as a unexplained death, usually during sleep, of a seemingly healthy baby less than a year old. There is no explanation for it, but tragically it happens. It the very reason when you leave the hospital one of the things you’re told is to never put your baby in a crib with blankets, pillows, stuff animals or even cotton crib bumpers. You’re baby must sleep on its back and swaddled. I don’t know about you mama, but I was really overwhelmed thinking about the idea of Calvin not being able to breathe. So many concerns, ” what if he turns?”, or ” what if he comes unsaddled and the blanket covers his face?” It’s all scary.

In our case, Calvin vomited a lot as a baby. Although he slept with us in our room,every noise he made we would hop off our bed and check him. Especially after we had a scary moment with him where he was choking on his own vomit. If we had him in the pack in play sleeping, I would stare at him at night just watching his stomach rise up and down, just to make sure he was breathing. I would spend hours watching him breathe. Being a new parent can feel overwhelming and scary, so I’m grateful for brands that make products thinking of parents. Why? Because they themselves are parents.

Omie View gave me the opportunity to review their product and I have to say that it’s a product that I wish I would have known about when Calvin was born. You can place it on a bassinet or crib as another way to monitor baby especially if your baby cam is not near. With the remote you can change the angle you desire to see your baby. The view is clear enough to give you peace. I love that you can use it for both a bassinet and crib. Safe sleeping is so important for babies and toddlers. Having the right products makes things so much smoother.

These are some of the features share by them:

  • Equipped with convex mirror to give you a better range of view of your baby inside the bassinet.
  • Remote control allows you to adjust the mirror so you have constant view of your baby, no matter how often you move around.
  • Soft LED light to see your baby in even the darkest of rooms.
  • As mobile as your bassinet. Use it in your room, living room, kitchen or on-the-go. Wherever you take your bassinet, take along your Omie View.

” The Omie View Bassinet Mirror was created by parents for parents, to allow you to monitor your baby resting in a bassinet or crib, without having to get up or sit up to see them. It’s easy to use and flexible—just clip it to the side of the bassinet/crib and adjust the mirror angle with its handy remote control. 

If you’re a mom to be or new mama, definitely recommend this product. Makes the perfect baby shower gift, especially for a first time mama.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07L7CCY9W/ref=cm_sw_r_oth_api_i_IcXsCb49WNEDX

http://www.omieview.com/


Reflecting on Jesus’s Last Words

    This Friday we gathered to reflect on Jesus’s last words before he died on the cross. I always find it funny that we call this day ” Good Friday”, how is it a good day? like hello… Jesus dies! ha. But we know it doesn’t end with him dying. So many things happen as he hung on the cross and He had a few words to say. Our church always honors His last words by having people reflect on his seven final words. I presented a piece from His forth saying “My God, My God, why have you forsaken?” Those words express abandonment, a feeling I have felt way too many times by God. This saying comforts me because it reminds me that Jesus knows what it means to feel forsaken and it also reminds me that God abandoned Jesus on the cross for that moment, just so that I would never feel forsaken by Him.

Many theologians say that when Jesus cries out the words My God, My God, why have you forsaken?” it is in that very moment that all of the sin of the world and wrath meant for us came upon Him, which means that at that moment He was separated from God. How crazy is that? God abandon His holy and perfect son for imperfect and unholy people like you and I. In Jesus being forsaken, We are accepted. I pray you may know that God is inviting you into his mercy and love. He is calling for you.

Here is my reflection:

Mark 15:33-34

And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour, Jesus cried with a loud voice, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

(God was silent)

That is the cry of my life.

At the footsteps of my home where I patiently waited for my father but he wouldn’t show. “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It is in the memories of that touch underneath my garment as a young girl that my heart cries “My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answers me.

It was at the end of my broken relationship that I cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It was in the hardest moments of my marriage that I’ve cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It was in the complicated circumstances of my son’s birth that I cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It is in my anxiety and depression that I cry “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answers me.

For God’s silence towards His holy Son was so that I may never feel forsaken by Him.

His cry leads to my acceptance.


MommyCon

Last week I had the opportunity to attend one of the coolest mom events ever- @mommycon. I was invited to attend the event as part of the media team (bloggers and influencers) and I was super excited to be there. This is the second event I was invited to, I guess blogging has a few cool perks right? I’m always grateful for opportunities like these, and I was excited to share this event with a few other mamas. I brought a friend of mine with me since she recently became a mom and I figured she could use some time away from the house. Two other mommy friends tagged along and I even got to meet two of my beautiful mommy friends from IG. Instagram has connected me with so many moms and I’m excited to continue meeting more mamas through it.

The event was filled with sorts of vendors educational sessions for moms. The location was great, and it had been a while since I took the train to Grand Central. Calvin and I took our first ride on the MetroNorth, which was definitely more comfortable than riding with the MTA.

Mommycon catered so well to parents attending this event. They had a snack table, a changing room, and even a quiet nursing room. Each room was filled with baby gear, even the conference rooms had toys in the back so the babies could play while the parents listened to the speakers! That’s something that any mama can appreciate. I wish I could have attended all the sessions taking place throughout the day. At some point, I started jumping between sessions since a few of my faves were happening during the same time slot. I also spent a large amount of time chasing Calvin around the hotel- it was hilarious.

Sessions I attended:

  • 7 Strategies for Raising a Healthy Eater, presented by Happy Family Organics
  • Why Wait to Communicate?! Baby Fingers: A Musical Journey through Language and Learning
  • Sleep Consultation: 12-24 months months
  • Hey Superwoman, You Need Self-Care Too 

Each session was filled with so many resources. I was most excited for the session on ” Raising a Healthy Eater”. I’m a very picky eater and veggies have never been something I put on my plate. When I started giving Calvin solids I only gave him veggies, but ask me if I tasted any of them… nope. However, now he’s a toddler and he loves to eat anything on my plate. Which means that I need to end my picky eating ways and start adding some veggies to my meals. I really loved that the speaker emphasized that we not give or kids labels like “picky eaters”. If your toddler is having a hard time trying different foods, try to present it to them in different ways. But stay away from forcing.  It’s also okay if they choose to stick to eating the same foods. The speaker also taught me that there is no such thing as ” Bad foods” for example, you packed cookies and mangos and your kid chooses the cookies over the fruit, no big deal. it’s food. I’m glad she said that because very often I stay away from foods that I may think are not ” good” like pizza. So learning this helps me understand I don’t have to fight against what he’s choosing.

Another fun part about this event was being introduced to so many new and familiar brands. As a new mom learning about new brands is always so exciting. There are so many baby companies that have created amazing products, and I’m always looking to see if any of them work for our family. They had baby wear, feeding products, toys, body products, you name it- they had it!. A few of my favorite companies were Re-play, Hamiltonbabies, Happy family organics, Serenitykids baby food, Lulla doll, and Motherlove Herbal Company.  You definitely want to check out these brands on Instagram.

If you are a mama and want to connect with other moms in your city, be introduced to some great baby brands, and attend some amazing workshops, Mommycon is the event for you. I’m excited to come back next year and see them continue to grow. Thanks, @mommycon for inviting me!

Here are a few pictures of the event: 

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Dear New Mom.

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Dear New Mom,

Let me affirm you by saying this “you’re going to be okay“.

Giving birth is no joke.  Nothing about it is easy: whether you had a natural birth, a C-section, epidural, or no meds, the experiences might be different, but the pain is a feeling that is inescapable but so is the feeling of joy and love

The wait is finally over and that tiny little baby that once spent months kicking around in your stomach is finally here.

Now I’m sure you’re physically and emotionally exhausted its hard work being a Mom!

Remember: You don’t have to do everything! Dishes? Laundry? Cleaning around the house? That can wait. That may sound crazy but trust me they CAN wait. It’s important to remember that your health and well-being matter too.

You are entering an unfamiliar role. The truth is that no matter how many books you read or advice you get from others, you’re never fully ready to be a parent. That’s why we have Google, HA! I’ve survived motherhood with help from the internet, my mom, friends and calling Calvin’s pediatrician often, maybe too often!

It’s been more than a year now, and there is still so much to learn about Motherhood. Here is one reminder I tell myself every day, “Have grace with yourself and give yourself some credit for all the small and big wins.” Some days will be really great, and other days you’ll be completely exhausted, but even in tough times, there are things to look forward to. There is a tiny someone to look forward to.

“Are You Nursing?”

   Breastfeeding was one of the most discouraging parts about being a first-time mom for me. My supply was low, and Calvin wouldn’t latch on correctly.  I often cried from the pain and my nipples were sore from nursing and pumping. I felt of shame for using formula, because I felt like my body failed my son. Which meant I failed him. (But that was not true)

So, how’s nursing going for you? Are you seeing some of the same difficulties of breastfeeding as a new mom?

I’ll tell you this, if you’re breastfeeding exclusively, or just pumping, or decided on using formula you’re killing it! Whichever way you choose to feed your baby do not let the opinions of others or social media make you feel ashamed.

You know what’s best for your baby and family. Remember that everyone’s situation is different. Our bodies are unique; some moms overproduced milk, some can’t get a drop. Some moms have inverted nipples, some have babies that are tongue tie, and some have babies who refuse boob.

    I wish I would have embraced my situation, I’d like to believe that I would have enjoyed Calvin more. I was exhausting myself, mentally and emotionally, just to meet Calvin’s needs, making myself miserable in the process. The reality was that breastmilk was not something I could fully provide my son with. I was attached to the pump machine most of the day, hoping to get enough milk and always felt like it wasn’t enough. I am proud that I exclusively pumped for seven months straight, but if I could do it again, I would have stopped way before that.

“Take Advice with a Grain of Salt”

    I’m sure during your pregnancy a lot of people gave you advice, so prepare yourself for the same, endless stream opinions, suggestions and commentary even when you don’t ask for it. Some advice will encourage you and be beneficial, however, some well-intentioned counsel can cause stress and insecurity. As a first-time mom, I had people speaking into how I was caring for Calvin and most of it made me more anxious than relieved. I had to learn that I can listen, but I don’t have to take it as a judgment on my motherhood. I had to learn that it won’t always apply to me. Sometimes, the wise “tips and tricks” that worked for one person, won’t apply to you, your baby or your family.

You won’t please everyone, and you don’t have to because it’s your baby. But yeah, you get the point. People will make thoughtless comments. Don’t let those comments bother you, they do not define the kind of mom you are. Over time you will learn to pick and choose what advice to take.

Asking for help”

You don’t have to always be supermom, so be okay with asking for help.

You’ll need it.

   Many times, I didn’t ask for help because I didn’t want to seem inadequate as a mom. The truth is as a first-time mom, I didn’t know what I was doing, and it was silly of me to think I didn’t need help.

I was exhausted, I had to pump every three hours, I barely showered and cleaning up was the last thing on my mind. I’m so glad our family helped us in the first four months. They would do our laundry, clean, cook, watch Calvin while we slept, and we had friends bring us food. People want to serve you, especially those that love you. So, tell them what you need, and don’t be afraid to say, ” Today I need help”. (If you’re not a parent, please reach out. Make yourself available to your friends.)

“Self-Care”

   What does that even look like when you have a crying baby, you haven’t showered, and you have spit up all over your shirt? It means that you take time out of the day or week to care for yourself. It means you acknowledge your mental health and emotional health.

As I’ve mentioned before in my last blog post “Postpartum Depression” is real for many moms. Every morning check in with yourself.

Ask yourself,

How you are feeling?“, “what thoughts have you been thinking about?“.

There came a time when I was so drained that I didn’t shower, get up from the couch, I cried a lot and I was anxious around Calvin. Have you felt that way lately? If you have, reach out to someone or share this with your spouse. Ask a friend to pray for you.

This is self-care.

    Remember your body and hormones are trying to get back to normal, you’re trying to figure out how to care for someone else that is fragile and tiny with no experience. So, take walks, find time to eat or go to Target, I spent so many days there during my maternity leave that I just loved it. It gave me fresh air, along with that spending time alone did me well. It’s okay to say you want to have space from your baby and mom duties. That’s completely normal, some days I feel like waiting at the door while holding Calvin for my husband to get home just so he can take him and when he does, I often feel like I can rest.

“Comparison is the Thief of Joy”

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER MOMS!!! 

Did you hear that?

DO NOT COMPARE YOUR BABY TO OTHER BABIES!!! 

    I still have to tell this to myself every day. Trust me, I know it’s harder than it sounds. It’s so easy to get wrapped up with what other moms are doing or what milestones other babies have accomplished that your baby has not, that you rob yourself of the joy you are experiencing.

   Every time I looked on Instagram, I felt disappointed, thoughts like ” I wish I was that mom”, “wow, she’s getting so much breast milk, I wish I was,” and “she must be an amazing mom staying at home with her baby.” Telling myself these things weren’t wrong, but they were deadly if I used them to identify myself as a failure of a mom.

   Every mom experiences motherhood differently. You will not always have the house cleaned up or make arts and crafts every day. You know what most moms do, they spend time smelling their babies, trying to catch up on sleep or binge watch on their favorite show while they pump and attempt to eat something. Don’t worry, on days when you have the energy, you’ll work hard enough to leave the house without a dirty diaper or crying baby and if you can do that… that’s a win!

    The worse one was comparing Calvin to other babies born around him. I spent so much time comparing him to other babies and wishing that he would be at their level that I robbed myself from enjoying the milestones Calvin was achieving. The truth was that Calvin was premature, he was going to be delayed and yes it sucked like hell but that was my reality. I could either be miserable about it or embrace it and be thankful that he was doing just fine. He was like no other baby, He was Calvin my son and he would grow at his own pace. So, sit back and relax, enjoy your baby. Watch him or she grows before your eyes, don’t sweat the little things. Our kids are brilliant in their own way, this is the first lesson I learned about being a mom… it’s one I have to remember for the rest of my time raising Calvin.

“Working mom – Stay at home mom”

    Whichever one you are, be proud of it. Each title comes with its own responsibilities and struggles. As a working a mom I find it hard to balance my roles between being a mom and worker. When I was home on maternity leave for three months, I had a hard time adjusting to always being home and caring for Calvin alone. I love the working mom and the stay at home mom because they both are working towards the same goal, to care, love and provide to their children in their own “unique way. I had so many people question why I didn’t stay home with Calvin and making remarks as if it was an easy decision.

It wasn’t, it was the hardest decision I had to make as a mother.

    Two factors played a role in this decision, I never intended to stay home and as a family, we couldn’t afford for me to stay home. I’ve read so many moms judge working moms on social media for having their kid at daycare or going back to work, it’s discouraging. Am I less of a mother because Calvin is at daycare? No. I’m a great mom and no one can tell me otherwise.

    Interesting enough, the stay at home mom also gets judged. Do you really think that the stay at home mom stays home, sleeps in, takes a bath, her kids all well-behaved and her day is perfect? It’s not. She wakes up when the baby wakes up, whatever time that is. Her child is by her side 24/7 and she spends most of the time interacting with her kids than adults unless she goes out or maybe gets a visit. As you can see, they both have different struggles. So, mama, whichever one you choose to be…

It’s the one you see fit for you to be.

“Your Partner is your teammate”

Your partner is as clueless as you are.

He is on your team.

    It’s hard to acknowledge that when you’re both sleep deprived, the baby is crying nonstop, you haven’t left the house in days and you’ve probably been miscommunicating over small things. It’s been a rough season for us honestly. I’m not sure we’ve mastered this area yet. Balancing marriage and parenting can be really hard, and if you can relate know that you are not alone. I guess I can say that we’re on a mission to remembering that our marriage comes first, and we need each other to survive. I’ll get back to you on this one.

But, remembering He is on my team.

 

 

I hope this letter encourages you and reminds you that you’re not alone. Many women have been in your shoes, we want to love, encourage and stand with you.

 

love,

transparent city mama 

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