Reflecting on Jesus’s Last Words

    This Friday we gathered to reflect on Jesus’s last words before he died on the cross. I always find it funny that we call this day ” Good Friday”, how is it a good day? like hello… Jesus dies! ha. But we know it doesn’t end with him dying. So many things happen as he hung on the cross and He had a few words to say. Our church always honors His last words by having people reflect on his seven final words. I presented a piece from His forth saying “My God, My God, why have you forsaken?” Those words express abandonment, a feeling I have felt way too many times by God. This saying comforts me because it reminds me that Jesus knows what it means to feel forsaken and it also reminds me that God abandoned Jesus on the cross for that moment, just so that I would never feel forsaken by Him.

Many theologians say that when Jesus cries out the words My God, My God, why have you forsaken?” it is in that very moment that all of the sin of the world and wrath meant for us came upon Him, which means that at that moment He was separated from God. How crazy is that? God abandon His holy and perfect son for imperfect and unholy people like you and I. In Jesus being forsaken, We are accepted. I pray you may know that God is inviting you into his mercy and love. He is calling for you.

Here is my reflection:

Mark 15:33-34

And when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour, Jesus cried with a loud voice, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

(God was silent)

That is the cry of my life.

At the footsteps of my home where I patiently waited for my father but he wouldn’t show. “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It is in the memories of that touch underneath my garment as a young girl that my heart cries “My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answers me.

It was at the end of my broken relationship that I cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It was in the hardest moments of my marriage that I’ve cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It was in the complicated circumstances of my son’s birth that I cried “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answered me.

It is in my anxiety and depression that I cry “ My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?”

But He answers me.

For God’s silence towards His holy Son was so that I may never feel forsaken by Him.

His cry leads to my acceptance.


Fear of Being an Anxious Mother

Processed with VSCO with c1 presetOne of my biggest fears as I was preparing to welcome Calvin into my world was how well would I handle my anxiety around him. The thought of that made me weary. How will I explain to him my random breakdowns or the picking of my hair? Will I make him anxious? Nervous? Or worse, would he try to take on the burden on my anxiety on himself? For a long time, I felt shame about my anxiety, it was hard explaining to people why I was losing the front of my hair or telling my hair lady that I needed bangs just avoid picking at my hair. My anxiety has often ruled over my life, it’s a stealer of joy. After being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder while in College, being on medication and going to therapy for it, it’s felt like I would never get rid of my anxious heart and mind. I felt that the more I wanted to stop being anxious the more I became anxious. It’s hard being married and always feeling like you have to be cared for or even feel like your to much trouble for someone else. I can say that God knew exactly who I needed as a husband. Someone that is calm, understanding, loving and caring. I’m not sure I would want anyone else watching me have an anxiety attack other than him. But now someone else was coming and he will be around for all my moments, that was the scariest thing to think about.

        I remember once crying to Ruben after having one of my many episodes and telling him how scared I was about Calvin watching me have an anxiety attack and maybe him feeling scared. How would I explain to him my anxiety and the root behind it all? I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to explain it, but what I can say is that God has walked me through my anxiety. I’ve heard so often people say “ if you trusted God more you wouldn’t be anxious” and although there some truth to that, those words aren’t comforting. And that’s not how mental health works. That’s also not how God deals with anxiety. The verse from 1 Peter 5:7 “ Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you”, has been the verse I cling too since being diagnosed. It reminds me that God cares about all the things I get anxious about, even when I can’t explain it to anyone else. He knows my thoughts and heart deeply, he wants me to bring all those fears, and thoughts to him. He will bring healing, he will continue to walk with me and he will be the one to cast away all my fears. So as I wrestle with my anxiety, I pray that I would show Calvin that anxiety will not overcome me and even when it does that I know who I can run too; the Father that cares for me and him. 

For the anxious beloved, know that God cares about your mental health. He wants to walk with you, heal you and free you of your worries. 

 

love,

Transparent city mama. 

 

Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you – 1 Peter 5:7